Always a Day Late and a Dollar Short

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get ahead. Not even ahead, but caught up. For as long as I can remember, I've felt as if I'm behind. Behind on everything. I'm always feeling like I still need to get something done. This isn't a comforting feeling to say the least. Feeling behind on the majority in life--class work, family life, connections with friends, work, fitness, hobbies, etc. It definitely makes it hard to find any relaxing time.

I'm naturally a "late" person. It's not a great quality to possess, let me warn you. I wish I could say it was inherited. I believe it to be something I've picked up in the past few years; something I wish I could shake just as easily as I've grown accustomed to it. I'm in the process of making "five minutes early" my new slogan.

Being poor doesn't bother me anymore. Oh, it used to. It used to bother me so much that I would try to make white, feathers fly out of my pillow from punching it so harshly. There's just a period in which one has to come to terms with what was and is. I grew up poor like three-fourths of the world still does today. I've accepted being broke through hope. I know what was and what is. However, my hope reveals to me that I can and will make a good living in the future for myself. I'm grateful that I grew up without wads of green paper stuffed in my family members' wallets and pockets. I've grown to realize that I wouldn't appreciate the blessing money can bring to me in the future if I grew up spoiled. Not having money humbles you. It humbles you a lot in today's society. When I make my first paycheck after receiving my first job in the "writing business," I will feel the blessing of money that God intended because I will have earned it. I will not take money for granted because I will have known what it was like to not have it for much of my life.

If you know me, you know that I always tell the ones I care about that he or she can always count on me for anything needed. I've got to be honest and say that it makes it hard to lend a helping hand when I'm always behind on life's chores and not owning a fat wallet. It just makes things a little harder when I know I could be helping a friend clean their house, study for a test or lending 10 bucks for much needed gas money. The thing is, right now, I am in control and have the ability to change my time managing skills. I need to organize and schedule my time in a more positive and effective way. As of currently, I am not in the state of giving out the dollars. Oh, I do occasionally, but unfortunately, it's usually me who ends up borrowing the cash. If you're not a stubborn, hard-headed being, you have absolutely no idea how difficult it can be to borrow money. Sometimes you just have to release the pride barrier.

The thing is, I don't want to always be the late one or the one who comes up a few bucks short. I'll admit that I grew up in a family whose tendencies were quite similar to this. I have sadly remained faithful to this entry's cliche title. These are traits I'm working toward changing through the aid of God. I know they won't change drastically in the next couple days, but overtime, I'll become a more reliable person. I'm looking forward to it.