The Girl Who Doesn't Talk

My best friend lives in an apartment complex on the campus of the university I once attended. She lives with three other women and they each have their own room. I used to live with not only my best friend in this complex but with one of her current roommates. Every time I visit my friend I am obviously inclined to dwell with three other women as well. I think it's a neat situation actually. I've always been drawn to those of various ethnicities, and my friend's roommates derive from Asian, Trinidadian and Malagasy descent along with my best friend being half-Mexican. Their kitchen is full of food I've never seen or heard of and two of them speak to me with a heavy accent, which I'm forced to respond to with a smile and nod at times.

What makes this situation unordinary is that within the month I've lodged in their apartment on and off, I've yet to see one in particular roommate. I first found out something was "different" about this girl when I visited a year or so ago. She never comes out of her room. I have even slept on their living room couch for the past thirty days, and I would have thought to have seen her make a trip to the kitchen or bathroom at least a few times. For my friend and her other two roommates, they could seem to care less but I guess they've grown accustomed to it. Sometimes they'll just point at her door if she comes up in a conversation but other than that, they only seem to crack small jokes about the situation. I'll admit that I have asked questions any conventional mind would wonder. How does she contain her bladder for such a long period of time and is her small room filled with non-parishable food items and gallons of water like a natural disaster shelter? As far as I know, no one's seen the inside of her room; I know I haven't. She keeps the light in her room turned on twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Yes, she sleeps with her overhead light on... if she does sleep.

I have seen her before. Actually, I think the count is at two. The first time I saw her was when I was visiting my best friend awhile back. I didn't know anything about her ninja-like roommate so I thought nothing of it when I opened the front door to find the girl scurring out of a dark kitchen as I looked her in the eyes and said, "Hello." She returned the favor with a timid smile as she retreated to her sanctuary of a bedroom. I also witnessed her riding across campus on her bicycle. It's an old, multi-colored bike with a metal basket attached to the front of it. Apparently she rides it to and from her classes, which she never seems to miss. She wears glasses, baggy t-shirts and keeps her hair pulled back loosely. She has a brother who attends the same school and both my best friend and I have seen him around campus. He appears outgoing and similar to a typical college guy. At least once a week or so, allegedly, the girl's mom stops by the apartment and hangs out in her room for a day. She might restock her daughter's "shelter" with necessary items. I still have yet to hear words uttered from her lips. Not a sound can ever be heard coming from her room. I guess I'm just more amazed at catching a glimpse of her.

I write all of this because I've spent a lot of time thinking about how lonely she must get at times. Unfortunately, her personality issues may grow deeper than shyness or introverted classification on a personal survey. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she finds ultimate bliss in solitude. Is that possible for a human being? As for myself, it makes me happy that through time, God's helped me open up and become more sociable and unreserved. As I've mentioned previously, I think I'll always long for my alone time but what's a life without others present? If I had the chance to move into my best friend's apartment, I would make it a priority to get to know the girl who doesn't talk. I would definitely have to get creative in my approach but that's one ability I'm blessed with. For now, I'll assume that I'm not the stranger who's supposed to befriend her. But I hope someone will walk into her life and reveal the beauty of friendship, the joy of laughter with companions.

I think I'm going to slide a greeting card under her door before I leave town Saturday morning. I'm going to sign it anonymous; I just want to get a point across: She's important.

And that someone's said a prayer of blessings for her today.

A Fight to Remember!

A Wandering Nomad

There is not a cloud in the blue sky covering the college town of Abilene, Texas. The birds are chirping, leaves are blowing in the wind and the members of the community passing by on skateboards and bicycles help confirm the cliche from an opening scene of a novel. For most, today represents a perfect day.

Twenty-five days ago I flew out of St. Louis, Missouri, and landed in Dallas, Texas. My plan for the trip was no plan. My purpose for the trip was and still remains to uncover the depth of my personality, my desires and most importantly, my needs. Pretty deep stuff. I don't expect to find everything I'm looking for. However, I am discovering traits and values about myself I never recognized were a part of me. I traveled out west to Abilene intending to gain closure from the university I attended on and off for the past four years. I've remained in town and next to campus for twenty-three of the twenty-five days I've been in the Lone Star State, save the weekend trip I took to San Antonio and surrounding towns. I've slept on a myriad of couches, floors and beds. I've spent time with my best friend, boyfriend and those close to me who I consider family. I've rekindled old friendships--even if they remain long distant. I ended my relationship of almost a year with a man I have loved, and I've swallowed the fact that it's probably for the best. For the most part, I consider myself a desperado; although, there's a large part of me that longs to spend time with those I love. I guess it's only human nature. I don't mind the peace and serenity of reading a book, taking photographs or writing while I'm alone; that's when I enjoy the presence of God. My heart stirs when I walk down the sidewalk listening to music while admiring the beauty of nature. I am thankful for the ability to see God throughout my day while, unfortunately, most choose not to.

I've found that it will always remain a mystery to me as to why there is so much truth in the phrase, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I would consider myself an expert at missing those I love dearly. However, the feeling seems to fade after I've had a chance to travel and spend time with them--whether friends or family. It's not that boredom sets in or even arguments or regrets, it's just that I have reached a point in my life where I feel everyone I know and care about is living life--doing what they want to do or at least working toward it. I begin to feel the need to make comparisons to my own life and believe that I'm taking steps backward instead of forward. It's confusing seeing other people achieving their goals and dreams when I seem lost in my own. I don't know where I need to be or how I should start doing what I need to be doing. All I have come to know is that no matter how much adversity or remorse crosses my path, despite all the hurtful and saddening calamities this world tends to force upon people, the essence of life is good. I love to love. I love to listen, share and offer compassion. I love to laugh with others. And even though I might not be very good at it, there's nothing more comforting than talking about God to a friend.

I have witnessed spectacular moments of peace and marveled at the works of His hands throughout the Midwest. For the life of me, I cannot understand how someone cannot believe in God after laying out underneath thousands of millions of shimmering stars, lucky enough to catch a glimpse of those that shoot across the night sky majestically or sitting on top of a cliff that looks out over the world experiencing the wind blowing the color-changing leaves as they fall from hundreds of swaying trees so far below. Or the way the sky can not only present every color on a painter's palette at sunset but how at a certain part of the day the blue in the sky can be seen in a variety of tints and hues. Through His promise in a rainbow, a sunrise, sunset or the stillness of a far-off landscape seen through the car window--they all reassure my faith in a Creator. As I take a deep breath and release it slowly, I reflect on the beauty this world has to offer, what life has to offer. And with that, I begin to believe in beauty that can only be found within me. I am blessed to have those in my life willing to help me reveal God's goodness in me.

The cloudless, blue sky of Abilene has ceased to pink and purple as the sun falls below the horizon. The headlights of passersby vehicles light up the street outside my window. The sidewalk is lonelier as the children are now indoors. Soon enough, another day will have passed and those who believed it to have been perfect will expect nothing less from tomorrow. I only dream one of these days I'll find what I'm searching for.